Recently, an old friend, who was my schoolmate with whom I reconnected on social media, posted two photographs on the occasion of her wedding anniversary. A recent one taken along with a VIP at her daughter's wedding, she and her husband performing rituals in expensive clothes and jewellery with a lot of floral decorations in the backdrop. Another photograph, taken outside a famous temple in Chennai (then Madras) with a group of young men, both she and her husband in simple and plain clothes, taken soon after their wedding. Those days, photography was strictly prohibited inside temples. The simple rose garlands were indicative of their wedding.
I remember that day very vividly. It was soon after I joined college. The friend in reference, though was a good student, had to drop out of school after 11th, as her father was bedridden and he needed round-the-clock support. She had lost her mother much earlier. On that day, just as I was entering the college, I saw her near the gate and greeted her. She asked me if I can help her meet some of her friends, who were also studying in the same college. She looked very tense. I told her I would inform them when I meet them in the language class, as they were from different departments. She then whispered, “I am getting married today. I want my friends to attend my wedding at the temple. You may also come. “ I was shocked. She was wearing a simple synthetic sari and all that she was holding was a folded plastic textile cover.
My parents and brothers were very strict. Discussing marriage, affairs, relationships, crushes etc., was a taboo. Doing anything independently too was unimaginable. With this kind of conditioning, I was very scared even to continue my conversation with her and I left.
That day, the first period was language. Students from all departments, who had opted Telugu, assembled in Botany Department for the class. When the professor did a roll call, two girls from Economics and one from commerce were missing. Another girl from Economics told the professor that they might be late to class and requested that they are not marked absent. The college management was stricter than my family. The year before I joined college, a student while in class complained of headache and was not allowed to leave college. After college, she just managed to reach home and collapsed due to brain hemorrhage and died a few days later. The management was very strict and didn’t give Hall tickets for exams to those who took leave without approval and approval was rarely given. So these three friends entered our language class late. The professor not only refused to let them in, but also sent the girl who requested the professor not to mark absent, out. These three girls wanted to attend the wedding, but the security guy refused to let them leave the premises and they tried getting permission from the respective HODs and when they were denied permission, came to the class and the bride had to leave alone.
I then wondered why she had to do it! We were just out of school and very young to decide on our own. I have heard of stories of people eloping and then landing into trouble and suffer. I was not only pessimistic about that marriage, but also concerned about her. I kept enquiring about her till we finished college and subsequently lost touch even with the common friends.
I recently got connected to her through social media. She is now a successful entrepreneur, activist and an office bearer of a political party. Her children professionally qualified and settled.
When I saw both the photos on my phone, I felt happy and guilty, both at the same time. Happy because she is doing fine; guilty as I judged her and was pessimistic about her future. With my limited exposure and ignorance, I had concluded that her decision was wrong. When I saw her wedding photograph, I was very sad there was no lady or rather no one from her side, who attended the wedding. I immediately sent a message to her as to how happy I am seeing her now and what I thought of earlier. She too was happy that I was concerned then and happy now.
Having used the same title I used for a blog earlier, I want to update about it. (https://pcharusree.blogspot.com/2011/12/har-ek-friend-zaroori-hota-hai.html?m=1)
I have got in touch with three of the four friends I discussed in that blog. While “S” apologised to me, I apologised to “C”. Remarkably, both “S” and “C” could not recollect much about that happened during our school days. Though “D” didn’t discuss anything about the past, I guess she would have read the blog. In fact, the first thing she asked when I got reconnected was if I am writing blogs and that she had read a couple of them. I am eager to reconnect with “V”.
I am sure there are going to be many more sequels to this blog, as I keep making new friends and distance myself from some and there is a lot of content that can be shared.
I remember that day very vividly. It was soon after I joined college. The friend in reference, though was a good student, had to drop out of school after 11th, as her father was bedridden and he needed round-the-clock support. She had lost her mother much earlier. On that day, just as I was entering the college, I saw her near the gate and greeted her. She asked me if I can help her meet some of her friends, who were also studying in the same college. She looked very tense. I told her I would inform them when I meet them in the language class, as they were from different departments. She then whispered, “I am getting married today. I want my friends to attend my wedding at the temple. You may also come. “ I was shocked. She was wearing a simple synthetic sari and all that she was holding was a folded plastic textile cover.
My parents and brothers were very strict. Discussing marriage, affairs, relationships, crushes etc., was a taboo. Doing anything independently too was unimaginable. With this kind of conditioning, I was very scared even to continue my conversation with her and I left.
That day, the first period was language. Students from all departments, who had opted Telugu, assembled in Botany Department for the class. When the professor did a roll call, two girls from Economics and one from commerce were missing. Another girl from Economics told the professor that they might be late to class and requested that they are not marked absent. The college management was stricter than my family. The year before I joined college, a student while in class complained of headache and was not allowed to leave college. After college, she just managed to reach home and collapsed due to brain hemorrhage and died a few days later. The management was very strict and didn’t give Hall tickets for exams to those who took leave without approval and approval was rarely given. So these three friends entered our language class late. The professor not only refused to let them in, but also sent the girl who requested the professor not to mark absent, out. These three girls wanted to attend the wedding, but the security guy refused to let them leave the premises and they tried getting permission from the respective HODs and when they were denied permission, came to the class and the bride had to leave alone.
I then wondered why she had to do it! We were just out of school and very young to decide on our own. I have heard of stories of people eloping and then landing into trouble and suffer. I was not only pessimistic about that marriage, but also concerned about her. I kept enquiring about her till we finished college and subsequently lost touch even with the common friends.
I recently got connected to her through social media. She is now a successful entrepreneur, activist and an office bearer of a political party. Her children professionally qualified and settled.
When I saw both the photos on my phone, I felt happy and guilty, both at the same time. Happy because she is doing fine; guilty as I judged her and was pessimistic about her future. With my limited exposure and ignorance, I had concluded that her decision was wrong. When I saw her wedding photograph, I was very sad there was no lady or rather no one from her side, who attended the wedding. I immediately sent a message to her as to how happy I am seeing her now and what I thought of earlier. She too was happy that I was concerned then and happy now.
Having used the same title I used for a blog earlier, I want to update about it. (https://pcharusree.blogspot.com/2011/12/har-ek-friend-zaroori-hota-hai.html?m=1)
I have got in touch with three of the four friends I discussed in that blog. While “S” apologised to me, I apologised to “C”. Remarkably, both “S” and “C” could not recollect much about that happened during our school days. Though “D” didn’t discuss anything about the past, I guess she would have read the blog. In fact, the first thing she asked when I got reconnected was if I am writing blogs and that she had read a couple of them. I am eager to reconnect with “V”.
I am sure there are going to be many more sequels to this blog, as I keep making new friends and distance myself from some and there is a lot of content that can be shared.
