I was in LKG when this
happened. I went to school in a rickshaw
with my brother, two years my senior, along with a few other kids from our
colony. One evening, as we got down from
the rickshaw, my mother ordered me and my brother to walk to the well, which
was in one corner of our compound, away from our house. She told us to keep away the books, notebooks,
slate and other stationeries and carry the lunch bag with us. My mother then drew buckets of cold water
from the well and poured over us and the lunch boxes. The reason, there was a
bereavement in the family of one of the kids who travelled with us in the
rickshaw. For the next ten days, after
school, we soaked our clothes, had a bath and then entered home.
Till date, all of us at home follow
this religiously, whenever we attend funerals or visit someone for a condolence
or even when we accidentally encounter someone bereaving. It doesn’t stop here. We mourn the death of any parenteral relative
sharing the same surname for ten days. During this period, we don’t touch many
things. Whatever we touch or use, have
to be either washed or discarded on the 11th day and so we restrict
our activities in such a way that there is no wastage. During this period, we don’t touch the pooja
room or the cupboard with idols, the pickles and processed food that would be
carried forward, the refrigerator that has unaccounted food, the bureau with
clothes, the beds, the curtains, the cushions etc. Where space is available, a makeshift kitchen
would be arranged and a simple meal cooked.
We have a family in the neighbourhood, who are as orthodox as our family
is and every time there is a “bad news”, we take each other’s help to take out
the essentials from the kitchen. We
sleep on the floor without pillows, beds and whatever we use during this period
or accidentally touched, has to be washed thoroughly after 10 days.
Though my family is progressive in
many aspects, when it comes to cooking and this activity, they prefer to remain
orthodox. Though I completely adhere to
cooking and eating norms without any resistance, I hated this activity from the
beginning for the following reasons;
Most
of the times, the relative was not known to us.
As
children, we were not allowed to go out and play with others or invite anyone
home.
The
cleaning activity on the concluding day was very painful.
After
every mourning, my mother used to fall sick.
As a child, I wondered, why except
the two families in our colony, no other family mourned the way we did. I observed, the other houses were neat and
tidy, the women presentable, receptive and had a lot of leisure. The reason,
orthodoxy and multitasking are mutually exclusive. There is a lot of rigidity
in the former. Also, there is no delegation or outsourcing of work involved and
its very tough for the women.
Though I always expressed
displeasure in adhering to this ritual, I never deviated.
After I started working, this
became a little difficult for me to handle.
I couldn’t attend any functions during that
period.
Couldn’t entertain any guests who wanted to
visit home during that period
Manage with just 2 or 3 sets of clothes for the entire
mourning period.
Even for a minimalist like me, this is difficult.
In mid 90’s, for
two consecutive years, we had continuous mourning sessions.
Recently, a
relative created a group on WhatsApp and brought together hundreds of families (close
to 8 to 9 generations). The moment I heard that, fearing we would be getting “bad
news” frequently, I told my mother categorically that I will no longer mourn
for relatives I have never met and would not follow any of the usual
rituals. She didn’t give me a reply.
Last week, when
I went out and returned home, I had to first go to the bathroom through the
rear door, wash my clothes, bags, kerchief, mask etc., have a shower and then
enter the house.
My mother said “after
the lock down is revoked and you start attending office, follow this every day.
Period.
