HAR EK FRIEND ZAROORI HOTA HAI!

Dedicated to my childhood friends, who made an impact!

D was a year junior to me.  She joined our school when I was in U.K.G.  She was a very bright and hardworking student and by the end of the first term, the school authorities decided to promote her to U.K.G. (as she knew more than the L.K.G. teacher) and so she became my classmate.  D learnt several songs, dances, poems and stories from her mother and as and when she learnt, she performed before the class enthusiastically.  Impressed with a song and dance sequence she performed one day in the class, the teachers decided to include it in the Annual Day Programme.  The song was in a question-answer mode and hence required another performer.  Since I had no stage fear, the teachers decided to make me her partner.  This had upset her.  She tried to influence the teachers by telling them that I wasn’t fluent in Tamil.  The teachers were confident and convinced her that I was a fast learner and I should perform with her.  Reluctantly she taught me.  We rehearsed everyday for more than a month and I had got the pronunciation perfectly.  Everyone predicted that our performance would be the best event.  On the day of the function, I and D got on to the stage and started our performance.  The audience was spellbound and suddenly D stunned me by singing a stanza that was not rehearsed by us.  I didn’t know how to react and remained silent.  She waited for a few seconds and sang on my behalf and concluded.  The audience applauded and even after the screen was down, I stood there trying to reconcile.  My teacher dragged me into the greenroom and asked ‘how can you forget your lines?’  I was sad that though the rehearsals took place in the presence of our teachers, they did not remember the lyrics and also not realized D’s manipulation.  I neither answered to the teacher nor questioned D.  I accepted the blow with a lot of grace and changed my clothes and make-up as I was part of another play that was scheduled for the day.  Spontaneously I learned to move on and not get stuck. 

People like D are present everywhere and seen more in workplaces.  Because of this experience, I am able to handle unhealthy competition with ease.

After I completed my 5^th standard, I joined another school far away from home.  I had to walk for more than a kilometer to reach the nearest bus stand and take a bus to school.  Since I was not very confident to travel alone, I made friends with some girls who lived in the nearby localities and studied in the same school.  We formed a group and went together.  S who was part of this group was also my classmate.  She was very moody, cynical and passed sarcastic comments often. Two years later, my sister too joined the same school.  Though S was very rude and dominating, she was well informed and was good at planning.  She was the one who taught me to always have alternative plans.  When Indira Gandhi died and all buses and trains were cancelled, we had to walk all the way home.  As violence erupted on the main roads, S guided me and the other girls through narrow lanes to reach home. 

Over a period of time only I, my sister and S remained in the group, as the other girls either dropped out, or shifted to other schools/localities.  After my 10^th std., I and S were placed in different sections.  Still we continued to travel together.  S joined NSS and had classes/project assignments after school hours most of the days.  On such days, I and my sister left after school, as the duration of her assignments was indefinite and our parents insisted that we returned home before it was dark.  She knew this well. On a few occasions when my sister had special classes and I was waiting for her, S volunteered to wait.  Probably she was expecting me and my sister also to return the favour, but never expressed it categorically. One evening when she had a class, I and my sister left as usual and as we waited for her the next day, she walked past us.  Assuming that she had not seen us, we chased her and started walking alongside.  She walked very fast and avoided us.  Though I never considered her a great friend, her behaviour was very hurting.  Knowingly I had not insulted her or caused any harm to her, I was very shocked with her behaviour. I asked her why she was upset and tendered a blanket apology.  Still she remained silent.  She has never spoken to me after that.  We went to the same college after school and occasionally bumped into each other in the college corridors or office or library, but never acknowledged each others’ presence.

When I look back and analyze, dumping always happens in the same fashion.  It is first decided and implemented at an opportune moment.

When I joined a new school in my 6^th standard, V became my classmate.  She liked me very much.  She was a little taller than me and hence was not allowed to sit next to me in the first row, though she wanted to.  Majority of our classmates had Tamil as second language, while a few of us studied Telugu.  Those who chose Tamil had their class in our classroom and we (those opted Telugu) had to go to another room.  As we walked, she always held my hand.  There was a severe water scarcity in Madras then and as V lived near our school, carried water for me everyday.  As I was very fond of cold water, she brought water from her refrigerator.    We were very close and inseparable.  When we were in our 8^th standard, V got friendlier with a new set of girls who were a little notorious.  They frequently absented from school, went out without their parents’ approval, made fun of teachers, bullied other girls etc.  One of them also had a boy friend and eloped with him and her parents brought her home after a great struggle. Whenever someone in the class lost money, pens or notes, these girls were suspected.  I was very worried about V and I advised her not to be so friendly with the “bad girls” and she didn’t like it.  V and her friends once managed to steal a question paper from the staff room and a girl who witnessed this had informed me and I advised V. When she turned a deaf ear, I informed her mother about this incident and her friends.  This action of mine alienated V from me completely. 

I still feel that, if I had not tried to control V, I wouldn’t have lost her. Because of this experience, I don’t try to control anyone or give unsolicited advice, however much I am tempted to.

C was also my classmate.  She had a different set of friends initially and got into our group later.  She always pretended to be very innocent and this irritated me very much.  She never understood jokes or at least, that’s how she projected and every time some one cracked jokes or said something, we had to explain it to her.  This diluted the whole effect.  Once when someone shared some information and she didn’t understand, I started explaining and she not only interrupted, but also made fun of me.  I got very angry with my friends who blindly believed that she was very innocent.  I knew she wasn’t.  There was always inconsistency in the information she shared with us.  I was very sharp and had a very good memory.  I cornered her quite often by cross-questioning her.  My only aim was to prove to my friends that she wasn’t as innocent and good as she was projecting herself.  After I started questioning her, C started avoiding me and started influencing my friends because of which they felt I was bullying her.  I didn’t like them branding me a bully and I mellowed down.

It took a while for me to realise that, I have to choose my battles wisely and if I put my heart and soul into fighting over trivial issues, it would not be appreciated.

Childhood is nothing but a prelude to adulthood!

I have learnt a lot from my acquaintances during my childhood.  While I learnt how others’ behaviour affects me from D and S, I learnt how others react or respond to my behaviour from V and C.

Har ek friend zaroori hota hai! La lala la la lala lala la la lala la la lala la……..