Very commonly we find a
husband cribbing about his wife, who is not empathetic, a wife complaining
about her husband who looks down upon her, parents complaining about their
children’s irresponsible behavior; children complain about the “take it for
granted” attitude of parents, subordinates complain about lack of appreciation
by superiors. While all of us look for
some sort of approval from others, in reality, there is disapproval and
difference in perceptions of different individuals.
Coming to my story,
different people perceive me differently.
While my best friends feel I am the most brilliant person they have met
in their lives, my little nephews and nieces think I am the most unintelligent person
on earth. A couple of years ago, when my
brother got transferred to a different city, my sister-in-law stayed back in
Chennai with their daughters till they finished their academic year. Not wanting to let my sister-in-law stay
alone with her little daughters, I lived with them during that period. One evening, when I reached their home, a few
cute little girls assembled in their house.
Immediately on seeing me, my niece who was probably a five year old
then, came running towards me and enthusiastically introduced me to her friends
who gathered there as her “Aunt” she was referring to. She requested me to reinforce what she had
told her friends. Very innocently she
told, “Isn’t it true that you don’t know to operate a TV and that I am the one
who has taught you to do it? My friends
don’t believe me when I say this. Kindly
confess to them”. I was shocked and didn’t
know how to react. A few days before
this episode, the kids had altered the settings of the TV and to reset the same
I took the TV remote and since the details on the remote had faded off and it
was slightly different from the one at my home, I asked my sister-in-law for
guidance and my niece enthusiastically detailed every key in the remote. Her detailing was very cute and also since
she was missing my brother very much and was depressed, I pretended to be ignorant
and allowed her to talk to keep her happy.
What I did not expect was that my pretension would boost her
self-confidence so much so that I will have to declare my ignorance to a group
of kids.
My nephew shot me point
blank. “You are not so intelligent know?”
he once asked. He tried to draw my
attention and explain some scientific model he had designed playfully. while I
was talking to my sister-in-law and when I didn’t concentrate on what he was
talking, he said this. That’s his or
rather all my family members’ perception about me.
I am not the kind of person
who would bother about how others perceive me.
I live life on my own terms. But
sometimes I too get hurt.
I don’t want to call myself
a “black sheep”, but I am quite different from the rest of my family members. I have always been a silent, “well behaved”, matured
and an independent person. My moods and behavior
have always been very predictable. Even
as a small kid, I never indulged in mischief of any kind, while my siblings
were very aggressive, hyperactive and mischievous.
Recently my parents were
discussing about our childhood (mine and that of my siblings’) and I was very
upset to hear my parents describe my obedience with a negative connotation. They described me as a coward who was afraid
of everything and it was very easy for them to control me. I was very sad to know their perception about
me. How can parents ridicule obedience
when that is what they preach? Their
sarcastic remarks reminded me of an episode in my childhood. I once accompanied my dad to a distant
relative’s wedding in a temple. It was
an auspicious day for weddings and there were many weddings happening there on
that day. Initially a space was allotted
for my relative’s wedding and all our relatives assembled there. My dad had to get something important for the
wedding and while he left, instructed me to remain in the same place till he
returned. Soon after he left, another place
was allotted to my relative and the entire group left and I opted to remain
there. My relatives persuaded me to join
them and tried to explain that my dad would somehow come to the new venue and
so I can meet him there. When I was reluctant, they left after making fun. I was not at all scared of my relatives or afraid
that I would get lost. I was quite
communicative by then and also knew the way to my home. There were no mobile phones and
there was no way we could intimate the change to my dad. I was worried that when he returns, he would
struggle for a while to know the change.
I refused to leave the old venue and when my dad reached there, I was
the one who informed him about the change and walked with him to the new
venue. How can such thoughtfulness be
termed as cowardliness?
Every time I am hurt
emotionally, I read the book “DON’T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF…and it’s all small
stuff” written by Richard Carlson wherein the author mentioned that, “praise
and blame are all the same in a fancy way of reminding yourself of the old cliché
that you’ll never be able to please all the people all the time. Even in a landslide election victory in which
a candidate secures 55 percent of the vote, he or she is left with 45 percent
of the population that wishes someone else were the winner. Pretty humbling, isn’t it?”
I read this book again this
time and I have again decided to be myself irrespective of how others,
including my own family perceive me.
