I TOO HAVE A SAD STORY

Very commonly we find a husband cribbing about his wife, who is not empathetic, a wife complaining about her husband who looks down upon her, parents complaining about their children’s irresponsible behavior; children complain about the “take it for granted” attitude of parents, subordinates complain about lack of appreciation by superiors.  While all of us look for some sort of approval from others, in reality, there is disapproval and difference in perceptions of different individuals.

Coming to my story, different people perceive me differently.  While my best friends feel I am the most brilliant person they have met in their lives, my little nephews and nieces think I am the most unintelligent person on earth.  A couple of years ago, when my brother got transferred to a different city, my sister-in-law stayed back in Chennai with their daughters till they finished their academic year.  Not wanting to let my sister-in-law stay alone with her little daughters, I lived with them during that period.  One evening, when I reached their home, a few cute little girls assembled in their house.  Immediately on seeing me, my niece who was probably a five year old then, came running towards me and enthusiastically introduced me to her friends who gathered there as her “Aunt” she was referring to.  She requested me to reinforce what she had told her friends.  Very innocently she told, “Isn’t it true that you don’t know to operate a TV and that I am the one who has taught you to do it?  My friends don’t believe me when I say this.  Kindly confess to them”.  I was shocked and didn’t know how to react.  A few days before this episode, the kids had altered the settings of the TV and to reset the same I took the TV remote and since the details on the remote had faded off and it was slightly different from the one at my home, I asked my sister-in-law for guidance and my niece enthusiastically detailed every key in the remote.  Her detailing was very cute and also since she was missing my brother very much and was depressed, I pretended to be ignorant and allowed her to talk to keep her happy.  What I did not expect was that my pretension would boost her self-confidence so much so that I will have to declare my ignorance to a group of kids.

My nephew shot me point blank.  “You are not so intelligent know?” he once asked.  He tried to draw my attention and explain some scientific model he had designed playfully. while I was talking to my sister-in-law and when I didn’t concentrate on what he was talking, he said this.  That’s his or rather all my family members’ perception about me.

I am not the kind of person who would bother about how others perceive me.  I live life on my own terms.  But sometimes I too get hurt.  

 

I don’t want to call myself a “black sheep”, but I am quite different from the rest of my family members.  I have always been a silent, “well behaved”, matured and an independent person.  My moods and behavior have always been very predictable.  Even as a small kid, I never indulged in mischief of any kind, while my siblings were very aggressive, hyperactive and mischievous. 

Recently my parents were discussing about our childhood (mine and that of my siblings’) and I was very upset to hear my parents describe my obedience with a negative connotation.  They described me as a coward who was afraid of everything and it was very easy for them to control me.  I was very sad to know their perception about me.  How can parents ridicule obedience when that is what they preach?  Their sarcastic remarks reminded me of an episode in my childhood.  I once accompanied my dad to a distant relative’s wedding in a temple.  It was an auspicious day for weddings and there were many weddings happening there on that day.  Initially a space was allotted for my relative’s wedding and all our relatives assembled there.  My dad had to get something important for the wedding and while he left, instructed me to remain in the same place till he returned.  Soon after he left, another place was allotted to my relative and the entire group left and I opted to remain there.  My relatives persuaded me to join them and tried to explain that my dad would somehow come to the new venue and so I can meet him there. When I was reluctant, they left after making fun.  I was not at all scared of my relatives or afraid that I would get lost.  I was quite communicative by then and also knew the way to my home. There were no mobile phones and there was no way we could intimate the change to my dad.  I was worried that when he returns, he would struggle for a while to know the change.  I refused to leave the old venue and when my dad reached there, I was the one who informed him about the change and walked with him to the new venue.  How can such thoughtfulness be termed as cowardliness? 

Every time I am hurt emotionally, I read the book “DON’T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF…and it’s all small stuff” written by Richard Carlson wherein the author mentioned that, “praise and blame are all the same in a fancy way of reminding yourself of the old cliché that you’ll never be able to please all the people all the time.  Even in a landslide election victory in which a candidate secures 55 percent of the vote, he or she is left with 45 percent of the population that wishes someone else were the winner.  Pretty humbling, isn’t it?”

I read this book again this time and I have again decided to be myself irrespective of how others, including my own family perceive me.