The Gift List

“I really wonder why people suddenly change after they get what they wanted. One day they are sweet and the next day they are not. One day they are there with you, the next day they are not. One day you are important to them, the next day you are worthless. One day they love you, the next day they don't care about you. That's how ironic people and things can be, pretty shits, pretty lies wrapped up in ribbons and the worst part is that kind of people still get what they want in life and we are left behind crying for them and wondering how they changed”.

The above message was posted by a friend on Facebook.

All of us at some stage of our life experience “used and thrown” feeling.

When I was young, Deepavali at home was very different.  Apart from new clothes and crackers, our house was filled with many sweet boxes (around 40-50,) various fancy gifts and greeting cards, received from my dad’s business associates.  My dad was then handling purchases for a large factory and these were given mostly by suppliers.  We didn’t have a refrigerator then and even if we had one, the space would have been insufficient to stock all the boxes.  My parents redistributed all the sweets without any delay to our neighbours and relatives and sometimes even to strangers passing by.  My mother was very skeptical to feed us food made outside and was very selective in serving them to us. The gifts included stationery items, wallets, key-chains, calendars, penholders, pocket knifes, diaries and occasionally some kitchenware.  My dad allowed us to use only if it was really required.  Though some of them he preserved for future use, many he redistributed.  We kids were more excited about the greeting cards he received.  I honestly feel manufacture of such beautiful cards is now suspended.  He received many cards during the season.  After acknowledging the greetings, my dad used to allow us to take them.  Between the three of us, we divided the cards.  Some designs were repeated, while some were unique.  There was a tough competition for the unique ones.  After taking those cards to school for a day or two for flaunting, we recycled those cards.  My brother made lovely models of cars with those beautiful cards. We drew designs and improvised the cards and mostly we used them to play “words building” (we cut them into tiny square pieces and wrote alphabets on one side).  All these activities gave us immense pleasure.

But suddenly, everything changed one day.  My Dad’s boss died and the agency was terminated.  This happened a few months before Deepavali and suddenly there were no sweets, no gifts and no cards.  We were so upset about it.  My Dad too would have been upset.  But he never expressed.  He had a different priority than worry about the gifts – to provide for the family.  We wondered how things can change like that!  The thought “were those people who visited us not our Dad’s true friends?” though not discussed openly was always there at the back of our minds, for a very long time.

When I started working, one of the assignments was to assist the Product Management Team.  Throughout the year, they organized what was called “Campaign” a sort of periodical marketing activity.  It involved short-listing of names of Physicians who prescribed our products regularly for distribution of gifts.  The prescription generation was constantly monitored and accordingly the gift list altered.  When the support ceased, the name was removed.  Lists were also prepared for forwarding gifts and greetings to the distributors.  This list was finalized based on the date of the latest invoice.  If no invoices were raised in the preceding few months, the names were removed.  It was as simple as that.  No emotions involved.  Absolutely scientific and mechanical.  My involvement in this activity influenced my perception about the sadness I had suppressed till then.  I wondered why I have been wasting my emotions on some activity like this! In fact, I realized that many people silently manage a mental list of people to whom they can extend gifts like, love, support and help.  When they feel the returns aren’t commensurate with their benevolence, they alter the list.  Of course, there are some who are very poor in such calculations and extend unconditional love and help.

Most of the relationships are formed based on a need and when the need ceases to exist, the relationship too ceases.  Not understanding this mechanism, we invest a lot of emotions on those commercial relationships (not necessarily business but personal ones that are treated thus) and feel disappointed.