LOVE AUR DHOKA

I wrote this blog a few months ago.  I was little skeptical about posting this. I shared the draft with my close friends and sought opinion. Surprisingly, while my male friends advised me against it, my female friends encouraged me to go ahead.

My perception about love, courtship and marriage are all idealistic.  I observe couples and try to understand their love and loyalty for each other.

Several years ago, a colleague rushed to my table immediately after she entered office in the morning and sought my permission to use the phone.  I had a direct dialing facility whereas she had to seek the operator’s assistance. 

She picked up the phone and asked the person on the other end “Are you fine?  I am so scared. Please don’t ask me any questions.  I can’t explain. Just listen.  Don’t drive to your office.  Please hire an auto.  Am I clear?  Call me after you reach.”

As she spoke, tears rolled down her cheeks. Wiping tears, she thanked me.  Looking at her anxiety, I asked “All is well?” In an emotional tone she replied; “The flowers from my plait fell down as I was on my way to office and soon after I reached, my bangle broke and I consider these bad omens.  I am very sentimental about these things and I foresee a danger, so I have cautioned my husband.” she replied.  I was very surprised with her sentiment.  Being single, I could not comprehend her feelings. I had never seen my mother, sisters-in-law or sister, expressing such sentiments at home.  This episode reminded me of a discussion I had with a prospective groom years before.  He was of the opinion that a working woman can never be a faithful and a committed wife.  I was very offended by his statement and argued with him that people carry their values wherever they go.  To be honest, looking at my colleague’s anxiety and concern, I was very happy that Sati Savitri kind of women still existed.

Over a period of time, this colleague in reference flirted with every Tom, Dick and Harry.  There was also a rumour about a serious affair. It was very shocking to me as I had formed a different opinion about her based on the telephonic conversation she had with her husband and also I thought only men philander.

During all these years of my professional life in different organizations across industries, in my social circle and neighbourhood, I have met several Savita Bhabhies disguised as Sati Savitris. There is something common in all these women.  They are all very expressive of their love for their husbands.  They never complain about the husbands in public.  They wear all religious symbols like Sindhoor, kumkum, mangalsutra, rings and toe-rings.  They fast for their families, particularly the husbands, but simultaneously get involved with someone else and have fun. I am really curious as to how they manage things so well; their men, emotions and guilt pangs if any.  Surprisingly, not many discuss about these kinds of affairs.

What two consenting adults do with their lives is nobody’s business including me.  I am just thinking aloud.  

Is love temporal? Or can it happen several times or it’s just a concept like many other things?

TWO STATES

No. Don’t worry. I am not going to discuss Andhra and Telangana.  It’s about the book I read a few years ago and the film that’s going to be released tomorrow. The film too like the book is certainly going to be a success. There is no doubt about it.

I might sound cynical.  But let me be honest.  I did not enjoy reading it.  It is not the style, the language, or the taut storyline that I did not like.  A writer of Chetan Bhagat’s caliber certainly doesn’t need a testimonial from a person like me. But I am entitled to my opinion. 

I didn’t like the way Madrasis, particularly the Tam Brams are portrayed in the book.  There are many things that are exaggerated.  Take for example, when Krish visits Ananya’s house, he describes a scene where her family members run holding food served on banana leaves.  How can that be possible? Yes, even today in many homes, on auspicious occasions and during functions, food is served in leaves, particularly in tender banana leaves and is considered an honour.  Such food is always served on tables or on floors, but never in buffet style. 

His comparison of the delicacy murukku to fossilized snake is not in good taste. It is such a wonderful snack and one needs expertise to make it.  (Why should he compare a snack with a snake?)  So is the comparison of Carnatic music to wailing and his criticism about the awards.

I don’t dispute about the clichéd and stereotypical perception of people.  Every community has an opinion about the other communities and cultural shocks are inevitable. But I strongly feel that when a person is in love, he or she is natural to get attracted to and celebrate the cultural differences and not ridicule or portray them with a negative connotation as is the case in the book referred to.  I would like to quote Khushwant Singh who said; “I do believe that if you fall in love, your very perception of the other person’s community changes.  You begin to feel closer to that community.  Before I met Ghayoor I’d stereotypical notions that most Hindus and Sikhs are brought up with. But all that changed. And my attachment for the Muslim community increased in the years that followed.” Isn’t it true?  I failed to find this attachment in 2 States.

I have seen many couples from different States adapting to their partners’ religion, culture and language so well in our relatives’ and friends’ circles that it is very hard for some stranger to make out that their backgrounds are different. 

Please do not jump into a conclusion that I am a Tam Bram.  I am not.  Many of my friends are and they are all very smart, in every respect.

Thank God, things have changed!

Very often we hear our elders talk about “good old days” and we too refer to a bygone period as a golden era. But, without prejudice; it is untrue.

When I look back, many things have changed since my childhood.  Some of them are quite significant too and I am happy about the change. One such is invention of the disposable syringes. 

I was a very obedient child and never made fuss over going to school, not even once.  But every year during monsoon, there was a day, I didn’t want to go to school and my parents insisted that I should.  Those days, cholera was very rampant and to combat the epidemic, Government appointed sanitary inspectors (SI) visited schools.  The first time I saw an SI at school, I did not panic like my seniors.  To me, he was just another visitor. But what I experienced that day, I can never forget.  I can feel the pain even today.

My school authorities welcomed the SI and soon after the morning assembly, set up a table in the corridor.  The SI with the help of an assistant, (probably a nurse, I am not sure) placed a kerosene stove and boiled water in a vessel for sterilization..  They also kept some vials, cotton, a small bottle of antiseptic lotion and a large syringe.  The students were made to stand in a queue and with the same syringe and needle, the SI injected all students.  He sterilized the needle once in a while.  The teachers not only ensured discipline in the queue, but also used their authority to make sure that everyone was inoculated.  The nurse helped in tucking the sleeves and applying antiseptic before and after injection.  While some students cried after the injection was administered, some wailed in fear even before it was done. Some bold students tried to break the queue and run away and the school peon had to chase them and bring them back. 

The needle after multiple uses became so blunt, that it was very difficult for the SI to inject. Some students bled as the syringe was drawn back and for some, the blood coagulated. It was so painful and we could feel lumps in the muscle that remained sensitive for almost a year till the next season.  Though there was no fear of HIV, most of us got a fever after the ritual. After a year or two, if we had information about the deadly event, our parents permitted to take leave from school.

Thank God! We have fine disposable syringes now.

 

LOVER’S DAY SPECIAL

Today is Valentine’s day.  Every media, viz., Television, Radio and print, plan special features for this day.  I too planned to post about love on my blog yesterday night and thought I would do it tonight.  Between yesterday and today, my mind changed.  (The blog I intended to post is ready and I would post it at a later date) I have decided on a different content.

A famous filmmaker died yesterday (don’t worry this is not an obituary) and I am sad to learn that his partner for the last two decades was not allowed to attend his funeral by his legal wife and her associates (don’t get excited; I am not going to discuss extramarital affairs).  I don’t blame the wife or her sympathizers, but the man himself, who has spoken so much about love on celluloid for failing to ensure that his partner gets the dignity and support after his demise. Let alone celebrities, how many commoners ensure that their spouses/partners live a dignified and comfortable life after them.  Not many.  This thought is the stimulus for this post.

Much before I was born, a rich man known to my parents got his daughter married.  The groom made false claims about his education and employment at the time of marriage and against tradition, came to live with his in-laws.  The in-laws were surprised and thought that the new couple would move out, once they settle down and were very happy to have the daughter and son-in-law with them.  He was soon exposed and the bride’s parents were very depressed and suggested that the couple gets separated legally, but the daughter did not agree to their suggestion and decided to continue to live with him.

This lady in reference is the most dignified lady I have ever known.  Though she continued to live close to her parents, she ensured that her husband got his privacy and respect.  Though he was unemployed at the time of their wedding, soon after she started work, he too started working and together they lived a happy life.  They were a lovely couple, always seen together.  They were never seen arguing, fighting or complaining.

Sadly after a few years, the lady fell seriously sick and when she came to know that her days were numbered, she acted promptly.  She had inherited some property from her parents and the couple also had acquired some assets.  She not only willed some assets and money in her husband’s name, but also registered it, anticipating trouble from her family.  She knew that, her family members would not treat him well, after her demise as their opinion about him was not so good.  As she anticipated, all her relatives disowned him and he was accused of forcibly getting the property transferred to him. 

Years passed and he is living in an old age home and even after several years, misses her terribly.