MARRIAGES ARE MADE IN HEAVEN, BUT AT WHAT COST?

I enjoy attending weddings.  While I am an active participant in some of the family weddings and weddings of my close friends, I also enjoy being just a spectator in many.

The two weddings I attended recently have disturbed me a lot. 

One is my friend’s daughter’s wedding. My friend, in her late fifties belongs to the typical Indian middle class.  They live in a small house in the suburbs of Chennai, built with the benefits her husband received on retirement.  She takes tuitions for a living and occasionally does some freelancing assignments for media.  A year ago she fell down and had a hairline fracture in her foot.  With a heavy bandage, she commuted to work by public transport, as she could not afford travel by a taxi or an auto.    She was very worried that her daughter, who was into her late twenties, was single.    I attended the grand wedding and out of curiosity, I asked my friend how much they had spent for the wedding and I had the shock of my life, when she told that they have spent around twenty lakh rupees.  Seeing my shock, she discussed the breakup with me.  They spent two lakhs for the venue, around a lakh for decorations, electricity and water, five lakhs for food, a lakh for purchase of tickets for the groom’s family to Chennai, a lakh for lodging the relatives (both the grooms and their’s), two lakhs for the band, videographer, photographer and the beautician, few lakhs for purchase of gold and few lakhs for purchase of saris and return gifts.  They might also have given a hefty dowry to the groom, which she had not discussed.  The figures might be a little exaggerated, but still what they have spent for the wedding is certainly beyond their capacity.  They might have either borrowed heavily, or spent all their lifetime savings on this wedding.

 

 The other wedding I have attended recently is that of an acquaintance. This friend is from a lower-middle class background, who happens to be a first generation graduate and employed in organized sector.  He belongs to a community, in which, marriage is hosted by the groom’s family.  The bride reaches the wedding venue with her guests in the same fashion as a North Indian Baraat. (Unbelievable, but true)  The moment the wedding was fixed, he was in a fix.  The disposition of a cheerful and carefree person changed overnight.  His parents were almost bankrupt after celebrating his brothers’ weddings and wanted to be relieved from further responsibilities and so he had to take care of himself.   He had very little savings.  He lives with his parents in a tiny apartment in a crowded locality and so the option of organizing the wedding at home was ruled out.  I and my other friends suggested that the marriage is performed in a temple and a reception organized in a restaurant.  If the wedding is performed at a temple, all the guests have to be shifted to another venue for the feast, as dining is not allowed in temples.   His relatives are spread across the country and he was very eager to invite them for the wedding.  As the relatives cannot be accommodated at his home and accommodating them in lodges would be more costly, he felt that hiring a “Kalyana Mandapam” (wedding hall) was more sensible.  So, he started hunting for a venue.  All wedding halls in Chennai are booked well in advance, not only by the groom’s or bride’s families, but by caterers, priests, photographers, musicians, floral decorators and sometimes the employees of the marriage halls.  All the marriage service providers have a nexus and to get the venue, the bride’s/groom’s families have to hire the caterers, priests, photographers, floral decorators, musicians, electricians, beauticians etc. dictated by the person who has already booked the venue.  Also, the venue is hired out for two and half days and even if it is required only for a day or for a few hours, rent has to be paid for the package.   Poor fellow, he visited several “Kalyana Mandapams” and was very disappointed at the cost.  The few community halls maintained by the corporation are not in good condition.  In olden days, rich men built choultries for the poor to use.  Also, there were several open spaces, which could be used.  Left with no other option, he booked a “Kalyana Mandapam”.   With great difficulty, he borrowed a few lakhs from a bank at a very high rate of interest for organizing the wedding.  It may take a decade or more for him to repay this loan completely.

I am not just worried about my friends and their finances, but about the trend as a whole.    Why should so much be spent on a wedding?  What about those who cannot afford?